Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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