the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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