What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
