sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize