I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
