i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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