five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
