Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
