I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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