do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
