i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
