I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
