He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
