She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize