She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
