He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
