I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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