Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
