he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize