I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
