ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize