I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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