Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
