Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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