i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
