Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
