i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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