Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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