google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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