I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
