idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Pooping to opera.
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