I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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