Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
