Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
