john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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