My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
