I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
