You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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