im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
