Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
BRING THE BAGELS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
