There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
don't judge my taste in strippers
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
