How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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