Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
