So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize