the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i think im in europe. pls send help
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize