I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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