what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
