i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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