White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
