i already hear my dad disowning me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
