Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just fell off a train. Bad.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
