At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
