i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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