never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Holy shit dude........stairs
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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