Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
