I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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