I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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