The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
