Where did you get a picture of my penis
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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