i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
