i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
