I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
