can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where is the hickey?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
