Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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