I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
