the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You left your phone here
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