I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
