I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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