at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
