How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
