I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
