You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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