Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
