you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
