I faked an abortion last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
