There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
