its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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