He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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