Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
