You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
