Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
