Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
