I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
