Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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