You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Operation Purity has been aborted
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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