3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize