I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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