Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
