Swine flu. Run for my life!
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
