this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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