I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
