Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize