just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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