you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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