Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
