Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
