somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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