That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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