you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
