More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im holly from the hills drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
