I just cut my nipple shaving
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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