Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
