The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
