Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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