Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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