i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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