If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
