i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
