Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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