I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize